It's a Con(or)test!

Hello, my innumerable readers! Gather 'round! Whoa, whoa, not so fast! There's so many of you that I'm getting crushed by your billions and billion's of bodies! Simmer down!

Okay.

Here's the thing: My buddy Conor of Mediocre Extraordinare, is having a contest! A writing contest! Inspired by our mutual (and much more responsible, hard-working, overall better person) friend Mike Guardabascio of A Storied Year, who has held several very successful writing contests in the past, Conor's contest revolves around a picture entitled "Offices, Gorilla World". The stories must be fifty words or more and be inspired by or connected somehow to the picture.

Now, whats the best part about contests, other than that I always win them? Prizes! Yes sir, there certainly are prizes attached to this lucrative contest. They include*, but are not limited to:

• A full body, sensual massage from Conor and his man-hands
• Lifetime immunity from Conor's piercing wit and sharp tongue
• Conor will name his first illegitimate child after you, regardless of the gender
• A pony
• A year membership to Conor's other site, www.conorthecamboy.com, (a $200 value!)

So: Go to Mediocre Extraordinare and read the "official rules", then read my story, quiver with fear and shame knowing that you couldn't possibly write a better entry, then shake it off and take a crack at it. What do you have to lose**?

Best of luck to you all***,

Dan

*do not include

**if you beat me, you have my solemn vow that I will cut off your toes with a hacksaw and eat them like cocktail weenies right in front of you.

***You illiterate cretins don't stand a fucking chance, you hear me?